I recently read an article about the pursuit of happiness whose basic premise was that, the more focus we put on attaining and maintaining happiness, the more unhappy we become. By a combination of dashed expectations and performance pressure, the ambition to create happiness in our lives can entirely overwhelm and frustrate us. In my estimation, by contrast, the happiness that truly makes us happiest is the happiness that happens when we don't expect it. For me, there is just something about the notion that happiness can find me even when I am not looking for it that reassures me that the universe is ultimately good.
And, life has been full of surprise happiness lately. From one friend getting a raise to another finding a great guy when she least expected, the good karma they projected into the universe has finally come back around full circle for them. I, myself, have even been pleasantly surprised by the way life has worked out in my favor in the last month. But, in thinking about it further, I begin to wonder whether all of these surprises are really surprises at all. L's raise is, no doubt, less a surprise than a measured response to her superior job performance. JK's unexpected romance is not so much random as the result of embracing life as it comes to her and not turning down to opportunity to open herself up to the people that step into it. And, my own good luck can hardly be considered happy happenstance, as I literally chased it down in the street.
Needless to say, I see the point argued in the article above, but I would like to add my own little caveat that, though happiness may flee from too rigorous pursuit, it would be foolish to think that we could expect happiness to enter our lives without opening our doors to it. Keeping in mind that happiness is not exactly Newtonian (i.e. no action guarantees an equal and opposite reaction), there is no harm in creating space in which unexpected happiness might happen. If we construct opportunities for happiness, when it does show up at our doorstep on a random Saturday night, we can be delighted at the "surprise".
1. Brooklyn Bridge: Walk across it. A very simple concept with very promising results. You can get anything from ice cream to coffee to a gourmet dinner on the other side. In my experience, the romantic potential is high, depending on the risks you're willing to take. It's a consummate New York experience, too, so take a camera.
3. Top of the Met: Through late Fall, the Roof Garden Cafe is open at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It provides a perfect opportunity to wander through ancient Egypt or the American Colonial period and wind up with breathtaking views of the city and Central Park, in addition to whatever weather resistant installation they've got going up there at the time. Sunset on a clear day from the top of the Met is a perfect reminder that the true art of New York City is not just confined to its museums.
5. Off the Island: Explore an outer borough for an afternoon. There is no better way to bond than by the process of forging new inroads together. Brooklyn is always a favorite and can be had for just a 15 minute subway ride across the East River. There is no better place to hipster-spot and eat baked goods out of trucks parked on the side of the road. Or venture over to Hoboken (the honorary outer borough), and treat yourself to Ralph's banana creme water ice and a stroll along the waterfront for only the cost of 10 minutes on the PATH.
7. Ice Skating: Rockefeller Center, Bryant Park, South Street Seaport, Central Park, Chelsea Piers -- the options for outdoor ice skating in NYC abound as soon as the air gets cold enough for a light jacket. Maybe it's cliched, but there's a reason ice skating in NYC features so prominently in romantic comedies -- it's romantic. And fun (or funny, depending on your abilities). In any case, it gives you an opportunity to hold hands and warm each other up afterwards (::wink wink::).
8. Chelsea Market and the Highline: Who says dating is better after dark? Buck tradition and schedule yourself a morning date. Grab a pastry from any one of the fine bakeries in Chelsea Market (recommend the Cherry Cream Scone at Amy's Bread) and a cappuccino from Ninth Street Espresso. Then, take your operation on up to the Highline (entrance at 14th Street) and soak up whatever sun is left in the season. Word of warning: it can get breezy up there, so don't underestimate the value of an extra layer or two. It's a nice little walk and affords you the opportunity to make allusions to what you'd do with a night in the Standard Hotel...
10. IKEA Water Taxi: There is nothing intrinsically romantic about a home goods store. But, the novelty of a water taxi ride from Manhattan's Pier 11 to the Brooklyn IKEA just might lend a little credibility to the date. (Plus, it's free on weekends.) And, provided you're in the right company, getting comfy in the artistically designed IKEA showrooms can turn into anything from a giggle-fest to a serious discussion on contemporary home design. It's something different, anyway. And if you're feeling really adventurous, purchase a ridiculous kitchen gadget and challenge yourselves to go home and find a way to use it cooking dinner for each other.
12. Hiking: Speaking of natural beauty, nothing seems farther removed from New York City than nature itself. But, only an 80 minute train ride on Metro-North away, you can get both of your blood pumping on a hike of Breakneck Ridge in the Hudson Highlands State Park. Don a pair of hiking boots or some broken-in sneakers and scale the rocky terrain to attain gorgeous views of the "other" New York. There's nothing like a little physical exertion to set the mood. Remember to bring plenty of water and a snack or lunch to share at the top!
13. Cooking Class: There's no shortage of cooking classes available in Manhattan. But, Rustico Cooking is particularly accessible and specializes in Italian. Who doesn't like Italian?? Rustico offers a range of classes from Beginner's Italian to pizza making to specialty sauces, mostly for under $100 per person. It may be pricey, but knowledge is invaluable and you may just make an impression with how well you work with your hands (and follow instructions...::grin::). If nothing else, you'll be able to whip up something delightful for the next date you want to impress.
15. Play Hooky: Disclaimer --> I am in no way advocating shirking responsibility or subpar job performance. That being said, nothing adds a thrill to a date quite like the forbidden fruit of playing hooky. Call in sick (hey, it's a mental health day) and make off with your partner in crime. Doctors have proven the mental and emotional benefits of playing hooky from work. (If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself -- The Free Spirit Project.) Of course, I recommend having little to no plan for the day, whatsoever. Leaving the door open to possibilities and living in the moment leaves a lot of room for surprises. But whether you use the day to explore the city or stay between the sheets, it's a universal truth that being bad just feels so good...it's science.
English physicist and novelist, C.P. Snow, once said, "The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it." I tend to believe that there is some truth to that. But, it's definitely not the whole story. American poet James Oppenheim completed the thought when he remarked, "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." It is not enough to view happiness as a goal to be attained. To do so sets happiness, like most goals, just out of reach. Rather, make the possibility of happiness tangible and bring it into the present by creating opportunities for happiness to find you.
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