This Time, Like All Times, Is a Very Good One

“Observe due measure, for right timing is in all things the most important factor.” (Hesiod) 

For years -- my whole dating history, in fact -- I have held the firm belief that timing is one of the only things that can single-handedly topple a relationship.  The elusive nature of "emotional availability", its ebb and flow, is an irregular tide whose rhythm we attempt to follow closely enough to catch the wave to shore.  Both the surfer and the wave must find themselves in absolute states of readiness, at the same coordinates and at the same moment.  It is no wonder, then, that while thousands of waves may reach the beach, the surfer rides only one -- that one ride the result of the singular struggle to arrive at his point in the sea and the patient wait for the timing gods to give their blessing.  When timing is at the heart of success, how do we ever find one another?

Timing is, however, also a very convenient excuse for not getting what I want.  Unceremoniously dumped?  Timing.  No return phone call?  Timing.  The next girl gets the man?  Timing!  Timing!!  It's not you; it's not me -- it's timing.  Luck.  Circumstance.  The no-fault, no-guilt, no-pain panacea that allows me to shrug my shoulders and accept my fate.  Not that that is a bad thing.  Often, it is much healthier and more productive to find a way to move on, rather than wallow in an ocean of self-doubt, self-pity, or self-righteousness. But there is also danger in making timing the scapegoat du jour.  It becomes habit.  It's easy, like giving up or giving in.  If timing is to blame, then no amount of struggle on my part will change my situation.  Avoidance gets comfortable.  Action becomes a lost art.  And, when the opportunity comes for that golden stand-and-fight glory moment, "timing" lets it slide away. 

The fact of the matter is that timing will never be on my side -- on anyone's side.  Timing doesn't take sides.  It moves in and out like the tide covering a sand bridge at high tide and allowing passage at the low.  Whether we get to the floating island on the horizon is a function of timing -- is the tide out when we arrive at this spot and for how long?   But, timing, while it wanes and waxes like the tide, is not as regular.  Is unpredictable.  Opportunity is fleeting.  And, should we get to that spot where we must decide to cross or remain on land, if we are to ever make progress, we cannot wait for timing to tell us to go and afford us passage.  If the island is worth the exploration, we must bridge the gap ourselves.  When we find a person worth knowing, we must not allow timing to be our obstacle.

I have been thinking about this for a while now.  Reading back over my previous posts, I realize that I blame my apathy towards the men I've met as a function of my own life timing, my emotional unavailability, my un-readiness.  But, the truth is that, after the long and tumultuous journey I have made to get to this spot, I won't build that bridge for just anyone.  I have a certain amount of energy and resources on this side of the divide.  It is not that I am not ready to use them or not ready to put in the effort. (We are all always simultaneously "ready" and "un-ready".) Perhaps the reason I haven't used them yet is that I haven't found someone compelling enough to spur me into action. 

I live a life that is somewhat well-examined, measured, disciplined, and mature.  This weekend, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I felt silly and light and giddy with excitement.  It was like a light switch -- one day I am going on a perfectly decent date with a perfectly decent guy and feeling relatively little.  The next, I stumble into an unexpected evening with an unexpected person, and it's like the world has shifted imperceptibly -- everything is the same, but...different.  And, today, all I want is to feel that again, to see where that goes, to explore and discover and create.  Struggle or no, this bridge will be built not because I am "ready" to build it, but because I can't imagine not (at least) trying.  Maybe the path to the island is not about the accident of being at the right place, at the right time.  Maybe it is finding the right place, timing be damned.

Just the high points, gastronomically and theatrically --

Yuca Bar
Corner of Avenue A and East 7th St.

"Latin Fusion" = Mexican with more seafood than average.  I have been to this place a few times now, and my one consistent complaint is that the music is way too loud.  Fine if you're a bar, not fine if you want to be a restaurant.  At 7pm, people should be able to eat and have a conversation with their dining companions.  Just my opinion.  That aside, however, their arepas were something else -- easily rivaling Caracas, but totally unexpected, which might have made them even better. 

Arepas con carne at Yuca Bar

Fringe Festival, "Have a Nice Life"
Various Locations (this show was at Lucille Lortel Theatre in the West Village)
First, loved this venue.  An intimate yet traditional theatre setting, complete with balcony.   Great location, as well.  I hope I see something again here eventually.  And the show was funnier and more clever than I expected.  Turn out is was a musical -- had no idea.  And, I honestly was impressed with the level of acting and singing talent.  Overall, a pleasant surprise and no complaints.

Death + Company
433 East 6th St btw 1st Ave and Ave A

It's called "Death", and yes, it might be a little dark in there.  But, the cocktails were absolutely full of life.  I had two (gin-based -- obviously) cocktails, both of which were inventive and well-balanced.  Some might have thought them too sweet, but all I can say is that I am not a fan of sweet (I avoid tonic like the plague), and they didn't offend my sensibilities in the least.  If that means anything.  Early on in the evening, it was quiet and perfect for catching up with a friend.  I hear it gets quite crowded and difficult to get into later on, but I might venture so far as to say it would be worth the wait, if you're in the mood for complex concoctions and dark corners...

Arlo and Esme
42 East 1st St btw 1st and 2nd Ave
Although I went straight for the dance floor upon arriving, I was impressed in passing with the options presented by this venue.  Wine bar vibe on top, dance club and lounge vibe on bottom.  It was packed, which made dancing difficult, and the DJ flipped from song to song too frequently for my taste.  But, the ambiance was just what the doctor ordered for midnight on a Saturday.  I will definitely be back.